a hard day.....

as i saw you lay there...it did not seem real....it was over-whelming....but you would have been happy joe joe...you filled the place...they waited to see you... they over-flowed the parking lot....they came to see the man we all loved....they all knew the man we loved....and they were not even related to you...i got to know you...see your quirky side....yes..even at times allow you to drive me crazy....you were so flip with life...you saw it so easy...i still wonder why someone had to make it so hard for you to rest....after all that was all you wanted....i know you loved my family just like you loved your own...i saw your family sob... for the man you were....i knew how much they loved you....the flowers that poured into the place...the shapes of the flowers...a football...a baseball with your number on it....and of course....the NY Yankee logo....oh joe joe...you would have been amazed by it all....and you would have loved it all....if only you could have been there.....really been there.....i know your spirit was there....but that was not enough for my selfish side......i wanted you to make me laugh...i wanted you to give lisa one last hug...i want you to tell the boys about the cheerleaders with the boobs... i will always miss you joe-joe....i just wish the tears would stop....i could never tell the world enough about what an awesome person you were....but joe joe...always remember you filled the place....that will not take my pain away but it will make you smile....

a somber day........

• he died this am....
• i will never understand why...
• i cannot even begin to comprehend...
• my sister is doing as well as can be expected....
• my boys will hurt for a long time....
• it has only been 10 hours joe joe & i miss you so much already....
• i wish it was easier to see out of the 2 slits, i have for eyes....
• i wish the tears would stop....
• thank you for taking care of my sister....
• i know you loved her until the bitter end....
• may you rest...just rest joey o

my scrappin' therapy......

it started out as this photo collage....

and then turned into this....it has gone to so many places....the tears...the reason for the new song...the clueless, bizarre, erratic behavior that i have with life right now....there is guilt associated with it all... the words that i need to express that i find so hard to...my brother-in-law Joe is still in NYU....today he underwent neurosurgery...let me just catch you all up to date...about 1 1/2 weeks ago...he had a seizure and was put on life support....he came off the ventilator...but complained of pain in his head...after countless CAT scans and MRI's the lymphoma...the cancer that he has.... has spread to his brain....they found 2 lesions...one on his occiput...and one on his parietal lobe....so fast-forward to last week and the neurosurgeon waltzes in to say that he needs a shunt to relieve the swelling....and also to give him chemo.....to his brain.....yesterday my sister ... lisa...called me crying to say that they decided to take Joe home on hospice....that was the first phonecall...then about 2 hours later....she called back to say that joe wants to have the surgery...he is 100% with it....the neurosurgeon explained that there is only a 10% chance of helping him....fast forward again to my feelings of today...when i am at a complete loss....just because she is my sister...it is not easier...it actually makes it 10x harder....the only thing that i know...is the courage of this man...the love that he has for her....makes me smile...i am glad ...that my sister is able to experience that joy....i wish i had the feeling from another human being like that....am i jealous...absolutely not...i question why he was given this dreaded disease...i question why the man upstairs had to do this to my sister... now...don't get me wrong...i am NOT a mean & vicious person...there is not another human being on this planet...that i would want this to happen too... well i would wish this on someone if it would make my sister heal...i would wish it on them... if it could take my pain away....nothing will...i am saddened by that....i have yet to journal this page....the tears will not allow me to yet....i will in time...i will when the man upstairs makes this right...

a fall layout....

love fall...love the colors...love the pics of my boys that are fresh...and colorful.....love to be able to capture WHO they are on my camera....will make this kit available...for $17.00 includes both titles, the raffia, the pumpkins, the brads, enough coordinating papers to mount your photos...also will include some journaling spots...i still need to add mine to the lo.....